Blunt Advice

The book He's Just Not That Into You is such a hit that recently, all copies in the Denver Public Library system were checked out. The premise: if a man doesn’t call a woman, it’s not because he lost her number, was called out of town, or hooked up with his ex. It’s because he’s not interested. Isn’t that simple? I’d like to see some books called Why You’re Still Just Living Together: Didn’t Grandma Tell you about Free Milk and Cows? Or one for men called Fat, Fifty and Rejected: Stop Chasing Hot 30-Year-Olds and you Might Find Someone. (As if that one would fly off the shelves.)

The blunt advice genre is a fresh antidote to all the excuse making we’ve had for the past 30 or 40 years—as long as it’s done with humor. So here are a few titles meant to be amusing. Just remember: many a truth is spoken in jest.

You’re Just too Stingy: Good Rosebushes don’t Sell for $5
Time to Unclench: Constant Pruning and Daily Watering will Kill your Roses
Your Grass is Crunchy because you Haven’t Watered it Enough
High Water Bills: You have too much Lawn
Get Off your Duff and Garden: Gardens Don’t Thrive on Neglect
You’re Not in Kansas Anymore: Ferns and Azaleas Don’t Grow in the Desert
You’re Not in Kansas Anymore II: Your Neighbors Hate You because your Place is a Dump